Yourself With Me

You live just one floor down.
Your husband's no longer around.
Where he's gone, I don't care.
He's not here. Do you think
it might be OK to share
yourself with me?

Share yourself  with me.
I'll give myself to you (no one to care)
If wishes came true
No more searching for intimacy. You'd have given
yourself to me.

Some nights I can hear the sounds
of you pleasing yourself. No one's around.
Who you're thinking of, I don't care.
As long as HE's not there.
Do you think it might be OK to share
yourself with me (in my fantasy)?
Just a moment of intimacy.

Share yourself with me.
I'll lay myself before you.
If dreams only came true
right now I'd be with you.
Part of you. Inside of you.
And you would be sharing
yourself with me.
And I'd be sharing myself with you.

If dreams only came true,
you would always be sharing
yourself with me.
In intimacy.
In ecstasy.... In my fantasy.

In Mother's Arms

The Night, quiet and warm,
crickets chirp in harmony.
as stars pass through the sky
while babies sleep, in mother's arms.

The Day, humid and hot,
people die while others rot,
as the sun passes through the sky
babies die, never knowing why, in mother's arms.

Half a world away,
so much death everyday.
Those that survive (for now), soon to realize
they're caught up in this enterprise
of greed, elite and monetized.
But for now they sleep or die,
just babies in mother's arms.

The Evening, cooling down,
yet crime, rape and murder abound.
Still these babies sleep in suburban surrounds,
unaware of the madness
a half a mile from their town.

Baghdad or Detroit or any other place
to them (for now) it might as well be
an entire world away.
While they sleep in mother's arms.

Young men and women now,
protecting lives from harm
while THEIR babies sleep at home
in mother's (father's) arms.
Half a world away
or half a mile away.
Soldiers or police, it's all the same.

Doing their best to keep us safe and free.
Yet there's no sensibility
to what this world could soon be.

When those of us left will long for
the day when we were just a baby,
asleep in mother's arms.

Lifeless New Friend

This battle's over.
Open my eyes and see
an enemy soldier staring back at me.
How could it have come to this?
People killing people of their own nationality?
No need to question now.
I'm alive. His body, just a portion of what he used to be.

The sun is setting. So beautiful.
I hear jets overhead.
Friend or foe? Doesn't matter anymore.
Cause they want us all dead.
I pick up the my lifeless "friend's" head (it's all that's left).
This battle's over. It's time to make amends.

It's nearly dark now.
I'm finally at the river.
It's so quiet. Not a sound.
It's warm, but I still shiver.
I say a prayer for my lifeless new friend
his remaining head
and release him into the water.
I ask God for forgiveness.
As what's left bobs up and down
his eyes still stare back at me. Lifeless.

I can't help wondering how they made us come to this.
Neighbor fighting neighbor, friend against friend.
I have no answer as he floats away
except to think they want us all dead.
The bastards won't be happy until
my life comes to an end.
I think I'll be joining you soon
my lifeless new friend.
Floating down this river.
Just a portion of what I used to be.
As lifeless as you, my old friend.

"Everybody Hurts" from The Corrs

Well, as long as I've been questioned about the lyrics to "I Was", on the subject of letting it all go, and giving up, I thought I'd pass along this little song that ALWAYS seems to comfort me whenever I'm feeling really down. I pop the "Unplugged" DVD of the Corrs in and listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkp-U36c_wo
When you are feeling down (Carolyn H-T?), play this wonderful song. Here are the lyrics.

"Everybody Hurts". The Corrs

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your day is night alone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
When you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on

Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

And everybody hurts
Sometimes

So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Everybody hurts
You are not alone) 

Hold On Folks. They're Only Lyrics!

Ok folks. You REALLY need to remember, they're only lyrics. Some written today, some written several years ago. "I Was" are simply lyrics I made up. There was not (and is not) ANY intent to do ANY harm to myself. They are simply lyrics. As an example, here are the lyrics from an Elton John song called "Goodbye":


And now that it's all over
The birds can nest again
I'll only snow when the sun comes out
I'll shine only when it starts to rain

And if you want a drink
Just squeeze my hand
And wine will flow into the land
And feed my lambs

For I am a mirror
I can reflect the moon
I will write songs for you
I'll be your silver spoon

I'm sorry I took your time
I am the poem that doesn't rhyme
Just turn back a page
I'll waste away, I'll waste away
I'll waste away, I'll waste away
I'll waste away, I'll waste away 


And here's another Elton John song: "Someone's Final Song"

He died when the house was empty
When the maid had gone
He put a pen to paper for one final song
He wrote - Oh babe, it's the only way
I know it's wrong but I can't stand
To go on living, to go on living, living life this way

And I don't know what the time is
Or what the next line is
Or how you're going to take the news
But if I had my life again
I wouldn't change a thing
I'd let nobody, I'd let nobody
Stand inside my shoes

Something's gotten hold of me
This home is not the home it used to be
I've gathered dust like the dying flowers
And I've drunk myself sober
After hours and hours

After hours and hours

Gee. Bernie Taupin is still alive? How come???? Because they were just lyrics!

So, thank you for your concern, but honestly, I'm fine and looking forward to the future. There will be much to experience in the near future. And I don't want to miss it, good or bad.

I Was

Though I never moved mountains,
and I never changed the world.
In writing these words, helps me realize
I couldn't and I didn't, but at lease I know
I was.

I never had offspring.
No one to depend on me.
Never heard the word, "Dad."
Just as well, I would have been a bad one..
Yet, I've tried to believe
 I was.

Was always afraid to leave this earth
for heaven one.
Always feared of crashing down.
Now it doesn't matter.
Just hope I may make Heaven three
when it's time.
Just hope He understands for all my flaws, and  tries  to believe
I was.

To all who have known me
I hope I didn't cause too much hurt.
If I did, I apologize. I was always unwise.
Which is why it's time for me to go.
To the other side.
Though as I leave, in the future, I hope someone, anyone remembers
I was.

My name forever in my divorce decree.
The IRS will forever know me.
Never to be a stranger to the State Police.
Oh yeah, I was.

I thought I could make it to the end.
But I now understand you don't
make up your own timeline,
regardless of the prayers you send.
I'm just thankful
I was (wasn't I?).

To those who've believed in me

I'm sorry I let you down.

I never meant to hurt you.

Please forgive me. I couldn't help that

I was.

Time for me to end
this part I've played.
It's truly time for me to pay.
Time to sleep until Judgement Day.
I just hope God doesn't leave me behind
and remembers that I was when he calls me.
And He can forgive me.

Will anyone remember these final words?
Will anyone remember that
I was?

Welcome Back Nephilim

Welcome back Nephilim. Where ya been?
Some of us been waiting for you to come back again.
Not that we wanted you to.
We just knew that we have no choice but to...

Welcome you back.
You had plans to return all along.
To take control of what you started eons ago.
So welcome back.
Do you realize what you started, way back then?
It's a pretty sad story and yet without you
we'd still be living in caves (and will be soon)

Welcome back Nephilim. Why've you been
hiding out on the back side of the moon? You always knew
you'd be coming back again. To reign with fear again.
We did too. Just wouldn't admit that we were not the
center of the universe.
So nothing to do, but...

Welcome you back.
You had plans to return all along.
To finish what you started so long ago.
So welcome back.
Did you envision what a mess you would have created
way back then?

Too bad we were too concerned with battling ourselves
to take the time to believe that you could be,
just might be, honest to your word and would return
to rule once again.

So, welcome back giant Nephilim. Here you go.
It's your world again, we refuse to defend. Good luck with the show.
Of course the world you created ended up so much smaller
than you hoped.

So long Nephilim. It's my time time to leave
for the back side of the moon
to hide out for some time.
Hope you do better this time.

On-Call Friend

You called me when you'd had a few last night.
Was it a game?
Had your feelings changed?
Cause we didn't fight.

You talked to me with kind words and kept it light.
Was there intent?
Were you looking for consent?
It really was nice, cause we didn't fight.

I hate the thought of being used
whenever things go wrong for you.
That I will always be there,
when you've had a bad night.
Cause you know I won't fight.
Cause you know I still care about you.

I called you when I'd had a few tonight.
You told me no more games,
that things would never change.
I didn't bother to fight.

You talked to me with harsh words
how dare I call you so late at night.

Like there was intent.

Like I was looking for consent.

Then again, you've always been right.

I understand now I'm nothing but your on-call friend.
You only care when you need me.
Just someone on whom you can depend.
Someone you know will answer the phone
when he sees your name on caller ID.
Yet hate when you see mine. Never a good time.
Stupidly, always your on-call friend.

Standing At The Threshold

I am standing at this threshold.
Standing at this threshold.
Waiting to be called.
Realizing my time here is close to over.

I don't like this reality.
This humanity.
But, finally realize that it's
gone on an eternity.

Standing on this threshold,
afraid of what comes next.
Straddling the threshold,
should I have known
that it's only a game?
Only a game called life.

I don't like this reality.

This humanity.

But, finally realize that it's

gone on an eternity.

I'm standing on this fence post
like Humpty Dumpty afraid of the fall
that all of us must take
into the unknown depths of mortality.

I don't like this reality.

This humanity.

But, finally realize that it's

gone on an eternity.

Hope I made not too many mistakes

as I stand upon this threshold.

And await my fate....
or a new adventure that awaits.

Another Strange Day

I walk to my car, time to face another day.

I really hate my job, but, what can I say?
Pull into the lot, an empty spot, No Way!
Could it be that this just might be...
Another strange day?

Get to my desk, my boss calls me in.
Says I'm working too hard for the pay grade I'm in.
He shakes my hand and thanks me. I thank him.

Could it be? Might it be? That I'm living

Another strange day?

Get home from work and go get the mail.

No bills and no junk and that's something to hail.

How could this be? That I'm actually
Living another strange day?

Wait up until late
for the Lotto I play.
The numbers come tumbling,
Oh boy this is humbling.

Not one number matches mine.
Aw screw it. That's just fine.
Cause I got to live through
another strange day.
Even if it's over.

Sylvia

She was old and grey
and set in her ways.
Yet, I kept her
active everyday.
My Sylvia

She puked and she farted
in a disgusting way.
But, at her age (89)
what was I to say?
Poor Sylvia.

I'll never forget
and with much dread,
the day I found her cold and
....... dead.
Bless Sylvia.

I try to visit
as much as I can.
So sad to see her
pulled apart by hand.
Such savages to my Sylvia!

As I leave the "graveyard"
where she now lays
I'll never forget that
bright sunny day
I bought Sylvia.

And I can't help be dream
Of all the "parts" she'll play
in someone else's day-to-day
transportation.

Rest in "piece(s)" Sylvia.

Dedicated to my Charcoal Gray 1989 Dodge Spirit

Random Questions

Why are we here?
Are we alone in this vast universe?
Is this all there is?
Or do we move on to a higher plain?

Random questions.
Go through my mind late at night.

Where do we get our personality?
How do we each have such fragility?
Is it all pre-planned?
Or can we move to a higher plain?

Random questions.

Go through my mind almost every night

Why do some live while others die?

Who is really rolling the dice?

Is it a God? If not...

Who decides who and when and how and why?

Random questions.

Go through my mind almost every day.

Random questions.

I'm sure have been asked for centuries.

Random questions.

Random questions with no answers I'll ever find.

Random questions.

Maybe not so random, but never answered.

One Bed Divided

One bed divided
The blames on one side.
One bed divided
I have so much to hide.

One bed divided
was it ever truly whole?
One bed divided
Never meant to be my goal.

One bed divided
Some stupid, drunken words.
One bed divided
Never meant to ever be heard.

One bed divided
like it's autumn, I'm a tree.
One bed divided
leaves are falling, yet I cannot plea.
(even if it's guilty. even if I now see)
Cause there's no forgiveness in this
One bed divided. This home divided.

This one bed divided
as far apart as two ships at sea.
This one bed divided
No need for a DMZ.......

No more divided
your bed is once more whole.
Once you decided
you had to take control.
(and left me.)

Looking back now at our ships in the night.
No tow rope in sight.
Not even a light (as we drifted further away)
on our way to separate lives.
How quickly our ships resided
only to separate into two lives divided.

Guess it's much better that these leaves have all fallen
and I should bare the north winds calling.
Cause I know I was the reason
for our one bed divided all along.
I stand alone against the seasons divided.

Five Windows and Twenty-One Walls

It's already dusk when I get home.
Wasn't summer just here? Where is the light? It's already night.
Can barely see to get my key in the lock.
Make my way through the door.....
One more night of windows and walls.

My windows and walls.

I say hi to my best friend, she meow's in return.
It's a good day for mail (no IRS calling).
I turn on FOX News, my only other friend
Inside these windows and walls.

These damn windows and walls.

Just a few beers, a couple of drinks
it will help me to forget.
After all the years I've spent in this world
I've come to expect (and deserve)....
dark windows and walls (when I come home).

Windows and walls (keep me feeling so low).
Windows and walls (yet they're all that i know).

Beer, bourbon, Fox, my best friend,
five windows and twenty-one walls.

Dark windows and walls.
MY windows and walls.
Five windows. Twenty-one walls.

All that I know...